Fear

Fear, what is it?.. why are we ever more consumed by it?.. and how do we escape the negative consequences of its slow march into all aspects of our lives?

We all roughly know what fear is and what it feels like. The increased frequency of heartbeat, that slightly sick feeling in the stomach and the heightened visual awareness driven from the release of adrenaline and cortisol which the American physiologist Walter Cannon first described as the fight or flight response in the 1920s.

This fight or flight response to fear has clearly been of great use to us as it alerted and saved our close and distant ancestors over millions of years from perils of their every day life, it is still of great use at times to us today. The problem is that it hasn't quite adapted to the modern world we live in and many will still be more afraid of the perils of yesteryear than the ones we really face today, for example, fearing snakes and spiders more than of texting while driving or the long term effects of social media overuse.

Fear is usually described as a reaction to a specific observable imminent danger and longer term diffuse future orientated fear is often described as anxiety but I think our present environment of continuous news, social media and the increased use of narration by all of the invaders into our minds has helped blur the lines between fear and anxiety a great deal. The time between the present moment and the perceived future threat described usually by anxiety collapses by the day.

We are clearly living in a world with abnormally high levels of fear due to the presence and reaction to the Coronavirus situation. The problem is that this does not come after a period where much of the population has relaxed fully, become proficient at mindfulness or perfected their own way of dealing with stressful situations particularly well. It unfortunately comes as the awful crescendo to the slowly rising noise of fear which has further surrounded us over recent years. That heightened level of fear could be from fear of failure, humiliation, rejection or living in a totalitarian regime, fear of losing your job, house or status, or not being a good enough parent, partner, friend or child. These fears have always been there clearly but the speed and power at which the present day reminds us of ways we can feel a failure or inadequate is staggering.

As I wrote about last week, the vast power of language is known fully to those in social and news media, politicians of all parties and also to companies who want to sell you goods or emotions too. The trouble is that while fear sells and generates obedience so that companies and governments get what they want the long term impacts of poor sleep, weakened immune systems, poor memory, long term fatigue, depression etc are all solely endured by those who cannot yet find a way to break free. We are all frogs in water that is slowly being heated and need to find a way to jump out.

How can we find a way to jump out of the water before it gets too hot?

Making sure we are able to accurately asses the current situation we are in and also to sense check our views of how life is supposed to pan out are good places to start. It will certainly help to accept that there are no solutions, courses, books or mentors that are able to remove problems from our daily lives altogether. There will be many things we face that test us throughout this relatively short journey of life and it is likely we will come face to face with every emotion imaginable. It is not possible to eliminate negative emotions or events completely so rather than trying to avoid them we should learn how to understand and manage these emotions to the best of our ability and train our reaction functions to deal with unexpected events in the best possible way.

Just ask yourself if what you are afraid of is really that bad or if the train of negative thoughts around this situation is likely or can it be avoided. Whether it is fear of losing your job due to the shutdown, fear of not being able to find a way out of a problem with your business, fear of not meeting anyone if all jobs become working at home, fear of not being good enough etc... whatever it is, the story you tell yourself when in peak fear mode is seldom as bad or unmanageable as it seems. Donald Robertson says in The Philosophy of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy "As most of our fears are mediated by cognitive distortions, it follows that the problem itself is seldom as inherently frightening or catastrophic as it first appears". If you lose your job you can find another, use lockdown to build your skill set, if you need help with your business and a fresh pair of eyes there are plenty of people online who are offering complimentary help during this crisis including me, if you are fearful of not meeting anyone if the new normal doesn't include a workplace? why not start up a club in your area for those who feel the same or look at the wide range of evidence which shows this situation is likely to dissipate more quickly than we think.

We can also practice dealing with situations we are fearful of or wish to ensure we manage in the optimal way. We can use our imagination to mentally rehearse situations, we can practice negative visualisation and we can also decide to enjoy putting in the hard work necessary to master our fear.

Using our imagination and visualisation techniques to practice being in and dealing with situations we are fearful of can be incredibly beneficial. Sit and imagine being in a situation you would currently find uncomfortable.. whether outside your bosses office before a review or waiting around about to walk onto court ahead of a big tennis match. What would you be doing? how would you feel? what would be the worst thing that happens? If we patiently and systematically face our fears and accept them fear and other negative feelings tend to slowly diminish. Then imagine yourself performing in a calm, focused and confident manner and to the best of your ability.. how does that feel? how are you talking, walking, breathing ? how clearly are you thinking?. If you can mentally rehearse being in the environment or facing the fears you have like Neo did in the virtual training programme in the Matrix your default level of fear will reduce and your performance and confidence will increase. Seve Ballesteros used this visualisation technique ahead of winning his first masters, a friend of his made a tape of a fictional news broadcast describing how Seve won the tournament, he listened to this and visualised it over and over until his subconscious believed it. He told the sports psychologist Bob Rotella that "When I walked up the eighteenth fairway with the tournament won, I didn't feel excited because I had already celebrated winning... I knew I would win when I teed it up Thursday morning". You can practice winning your own major anytime of the day and while it may feel weird at first each time you do it will have a positive impact. If you need help just reach out.

As I mention above many people are fearful of the negative events they are able to imagine. Many people also find it a useful way to stop bad things happening for example if I can imagine how someone may break into my house or steal my property I can spend time to think of the best ways to prevent that thing happening or thinking why certain lifestyles may impact our chances of certain diseases so I can take actions to avoid them. Is it also possible to use the practice to increase my enjoyment and appreciation of my current life? It is. We know that all things everywhere are perishable so it will be useful to imagine some of these events happening and how we would deal with them so we are not lost when they to occur. We also know that we tend to gradually take things for granted as we are insatiable creatures, the new shoes, new car, new house are gradually taken for granted and rather than feeling satisfied with whatever new thing we have acquired we quickly form newer grander desires, Frederick and Lowenstein called this process hedonic adaption. If this adaption leads to unhappiness and an increased level of generalised fear as these new grander goals become more difficult to meet it is worth investigating if there is a way to hold back this adaption or even reverse it.

How can we convince ourselves to want the things we already have? The ancient stoics suggested imagining that we have lost things that we value. In doing this they thought that this would make us value and appreciate those things more than we otherwise would. This may feel weird at first, I certainly found it odd reading and practicing some of the suggestions of Seneca and Epictetus, but by merely remembering that being able to enjoy the companionship of loved ones will come to an end one day and that nothing lasts forever you will be able to appreciate them more today. If you are afraid that you will never get promotion you long for remember that you are currently living the dream you once had for yourself with your current job, you may even be with the person you once dreamed of marrying and have the children and house you once dreamed of having. Visualise not having the things you do, the car you have, the friends you cherish and relish the joy when you next spend time with them. This resetting of perspective if practiced regularly should help put into perspective your current fears and seeing some of them as less severe than you once did.

It is useful to attack learning new skills and life itself with the youthful enthusiasm you once did. As I have mentioned in previous blogs also try to sort things into those you can control and those you cannot. If you use your time to imagine various scenarios you think you may face or be fearful to face you will find the levels of fear in your life gradually subside. Learning something new takes effort and a willingness to fail, the effort expended in visualising these scenarios and spending time to build these new neural pathways is considerable but the effort is worth it. How many skills have you learnt through hard work that you wish you didn't have? as we build and improve these mental skills they become executable with considerably less effort... which leaves you more time to tackle then next thing on your self improvement lists.

Going through life and learning more should leave us with more questions than answers and that should be part of the fun of it.. don't be afraid of asking the "wrong" questions or making the "wrong" turn.. its the only way we can improve and to be in a position to ask better questions everyday.

Thanks again for the interaction, new email subscriptions and follows. All sessions remain complimentary during the lockdown.

"Fate guides the willing, and drags along the reluctant" Seneca, letters from a stoic